One of the best things you can do for yourself and your present/future relationships is to ask questions. One of the reasons we repeat unhealthy relationship patterns is that we don’t take the time (or have the courage) to ask hard questions.
Here are a bunch of important questions that you can ask yourself about relationships and dating. They are designed to shed light on potential weaknesses and pitfalls in you and your relationships. They aren’t meant to point out how bad or messed up you are. I’ve just noticed that people generally don’t need much help talking about the good parts of relationships. Where I find people usually need a little help is looking into the ugly parts that they’d rather keep hidden. That’s a much scarier place to look. But, take courage. Use these questions to help you take that step.
- What is my primary purpose or goal for dating?
- What am I seeking in a dating relationship that I can’t find in a friendship?
- What part of me is most vulnerable when it comes to the opposite sex? My body, my heart, or my mind?
- What does a healthy dating relationship look like?
- How is a healthy 2 month relationship different from a healthy 2-year relationship?
- Have I been hurt in past relationships? If so, how have I dealt with that pain and how does it affect me in the present?
- How do I view my identity in Christ?
- What are my non-romantic friendships like with members of the opposite sex? Do I know what it looks like to have a strong friendship with someone of the opposite sex?
- What does saying “I love you” mean to me? How will I know when it’s right to say it?
- How do I discern or figure out that God is leading me in a certain direction?
If you’re single…
- How badly do I want to be in a relationship? What can I learn about myself from that?
- How well am I using this season of my life to grow in knowledge and obedience to God?
- Do I really believe that God is in control of this part of my life and can provide for me.
- What does it mean to “wait on God’s timing”?
If you’re in a relationship…
- Does your relationship hinder you from serving God as a single person?
- What is your motivation in the relationship – pleasing yourself of serving the other person?
- Do you give yourself away physically or emotionally in ways you regret later? How can you guard your heart against this?
- Are you doing things that married people typically do?
- What parts of your relationship are healthy? What parts are unhealthy?